D-Day

So how do you handle deployment? How are you so strong you do not shed a tear the day he leaves? I've had these questions asked of me several times. Yesterday my loving friend I've known for sometime now deployed to the great big sandbox. For those people who know me I am a very strong person and I talked to him before he left. I expressed my concerns and he expressed his and sometimes I feel like I am new to this but for real I am not. I am new to the USMC rules but deployment I am very much so use too. As a Navy brat and my dad after he left the Navy being gone for his job a lot I got use to the silence and such. But this time it is different. Every deployment is different. Every person is different and they handle it different. So as I said before he deployed to the sandbox and saddly I was not there but I was there in spirit. He is stationed in Hawaii(oh those Marines in Hawaii OOOrah!!) Anyways my concerns were expressed and as my marine got on a bus to go to the airport to get his free trip to the sandbox what was I doing? MMMM I was getting gunmetal dogtags engraved. Along with getting my hair done cause it needed to be trimmed. In this situation I would like people to know that I am a strong woman and also that it is hard to say good bye when you love someone so much. So to me it was just see you later. To me all I needed was I love you and I will keep in touch. I do not need all the tears. I am sure down the road I will be in tears cause maybe it hasn't hit me but I know for the moment I am fine. I wake up everyday smiling and I see his picture. And I trust in God that everything will be okay. He may be gone for now but he has my heart.

The Skinny Me??? REALLY??

Since Feb I have been changing me. I mean everything about me down to who I am on the inside and the outside. For those who know me very well I am have always had low confidence and always been open about my life. That was the old me. I started working out and changing my diet. I hadn't realize the effect all this would have on me. First I had goals which were small goals. Like example lose 10 pounds and grow my hair out. Well instead of losing 10lbs I lost 15 and continue to lose. I finally am getting back to feeling who I am inside and out. I was able to walk into Old Navy and Victoria Secret and buy clothes that fit me. What actually brought on the series of events with these goals was I went shopping in general at the mall and decided to stop in NY company to for a joke see if I fit into thier clothes. Well i tried on a size 18 jeans and then I saw they fit without zipping them up. So I called my mom all stoked and she said try a 16 and I did but didnt like the muffin top.. And I knew i wanted to be a size 10 or a size 6 it didnt matter as long as I felt the same feeling I felt when i put those jeans on.... I knew I had to be skinny... I have said that I am a skinny girl at heart and it is true. All the clothes I love I will wear sometime. I was inspired by myself and did not want to be 700lbs so I changed everything....

Shedding the pounds....

I have written about everything almost. I think it is time to talk about something that has bothered me.. For several yrs I have been called fat or big and made fun of. I finally decided this past yr that I would changed everything about me down to the way I looked. So here it is from my mouth I am not fat.  I am not ugly. I am actually fourteen punds lighter than when I started this whole adventure. I wear a large something I have never been not since highschool. The only problem with this is there is so much good things I wanna eat and I cannot for example the whole girlscout cookie thing I love thin mints and would love some but I am reminded that I cannot cause I wanna look amazing for my debut in hawaii. I wanna feel amazing and find the person who is right for me. I really wish I could just eat some junk food... but this working out actually makes me feel better......

OPSEC Violated yet again!!

So I see my friend Christina Rush always writing on this issue and normally I tend to agree with her about it because although I am not a navy wife/gf. I am shocked that women whose S.O. is deployed do silly shit like countdowns and in a way let the whole world know the location of a damn ship or whatever.  Now first as a believer that somethings are meant for public and some are not I am guilty of PERSEC. I was not aware of everything you can tell by looking at a uniform but thanx to Mrs. Rush I know what to black out and what to watch for. But I do have friends that are marines and in the navy and I hardly post about where these men and women are when they are doing training or deployed.

There is a saying loose lips sink ships.  What do you not think that the enemy is not looking the information you are uttering on your damn twitter or facebook status. Yes sadly this is a world where people do look for shit like this but I do believe that this stuff is meant to be kept for  your S.O. and you. Plz refrain from puttin when you get emails and blah blah blah. I am sad to say but only you and your S.O. need to know when a ships movement is happening. I know your thinking why does she care because although as I said I have no affliation with the Navy at all I do care if my friends and thier husbands come home safe. And as for myself I have affliation with Marines so therefore I care if my friends make it  home safe. So just keep that stuff to yourself. If anyone has any comments bring it cause I count down to when I get to go on vacation to see my friends. Thnx

The Meaning Of the word MOM

Lately I have been battling with myself about motherhood. Well anyone who knows the situation knows I didn't have 9 months to study to be a mom. These kids were thrown into my life with thier clothes on thier back. What makes a person a mom? I've always had my mom in my life and even in times when I needed her the most she was there but did not provide me with somethings emotionally. So as I am a mother to two young kids I ponder the meaning cause I know what they came out of and what they need. Any woman can give birth to a child but giving them love and support no matter how fucked up they are is what makes a mom to me. I do not think having kids and making them your meal ticket is the way to go... I don't think that it's my calling but I know I love my kiddos even if they do some crazy shit and push my buttons. Even if you buy them the biggest toy in the world it will not make you mother of the year if you abuse them. I think even when my kids act like they've lost it i love them and its worth it all in the end

Dear PTA & Deployment...

I haven't met you yet but you seem to be a part of my friends job. Though right now there is only PTA then more being gone. I want you to know that even though he will be going far away for a extended period of time I trust that God will watch over him. And during this time that my friend is gone I trust that our friendship with grow stronger. You see even though we live miles apart and he is doing the Marine thing I know that things will be okay. I know that times will be tough and that life will suck but I will make it through. As he is doing his thing I am going to be achieving my dreams. And eventually when the time is right God will bring us together. But I want to thank you cause this makes me stronger than before. And I know everything will be okAy...

Love
AM

Achieve Your Dreams

So today was one of those days where you want to tear your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs. For those of you who do not know I have taken courses  for Medical Assisting. I took the certification but missed it buy 10 points. I worked for the Navy and then for several doctors and somewhere in life I got off track. I stopped focusing on what is important but now my life is on a new track this year I am going to get everything I want and more....

1. Pass the certification
2. Get a Chevy Malibu
3. Grow my hair out for a year
4. Lose all the wieght...

So far I am working on all of these things...  I love it too.. My mom has always been a great supporter..